Burnt out

I recently joined a new department after ending Paediatrics, and which also marked the end of my housemanship. Nevertheless, instead of the excitement of a slight upgrade in status, I seem to be plagued with a sense of extreme fatigue and occasional disillusionment. This new department is nice, and for once, I do find my work kind of interesting, but I’m the newest fish there, and so it’s back to being the bottom of the food chain again.

The first 2 weeks were extremely stressful, as everything was so new and scary and basically I hate re-settling in a new enviroment for the umpteenth time. I just hate it when someone has “moved my cheese” and I have to find new cheese.

2 days ago, I was nicely scolded and insulted for a good 4 hours in front of an audience for being incompetent, stupid, like a monkey and basically an ass. Well, I did or rather was about to make a minor mistake due to lack of knowledge, but I doubt it was necessary for such a large reaction/punishment/humiliation as I’ve only been 2 weeks old in this new job and I admit I still know nuts and have a lot to learn.

I just want to remind you who enjoyed abusing me verbally and mentally that day, weren’t you new to this many years ago too? Or did you forget that before you could run, you actually crawled, stood and walked first? Did you forget that everyone has to go through a learning curve, before reaching your level of competency and smartness? Or perhaps you needed to put me down in that way, so that you could feel great about yourself? If that is the case, well, I unfortunately have no respect and only have pity for you.

Sigh.

Cindy reminded me that there are people like this everywhere, and that we can never run away from them. We just have to learn to live with them.