Half empty

Don’t allow yourself to be consumed by life’s problems; be consumed with life’s joys.

I wish it was that easy. Perhaps I’m just a born pessimist. Or maybe it’s just a passing phase. It sucks, but for me right now, the cup just seems half empty on most days. It’s not that I don’t observe shittier things in life on a daily basis that outweighs all the crap in my life. Nevertheless, the cup still feels half empty.

I’m now finally taking some time off from work, life and all the crap in my life (hopefully). I hope that at the end of it, I will be less burnt out and perhaps the cup will be half full when I return…

When work is too much

This is a sequel to Cyanide’s post entitled Because Work is Too Much

What happens when work is too much?

1. You do not want to go to sleep at night even though you are super tired, because going to sleep, means the end of the day and fast forwarding to tomorrow.

2. Your 3 alarm clock rings, and you’ve snoozed them 15 times and yet you can’t seem to get your ass off the bed to get ready for work.

3. And when you’ve finally gotten yourself upright in bed, you think to yourself, is there any reason to not go to work today.

4. You finally drag your feet to work, and put on a super fake smile when you meet people you know. Somedays, you can’t even fake a smile.

5. Everything irritates you.

6. You spend the day wondering why the hell did you take up this profession.

7. You count the hours, then the minutes to clocking out.

8. You finally come back from work just to go into denial about going to sleep again because tomorrow is another day – the same shit, different day.

I See You calls…

I’ve had three ICU calls in a row, and it has been bad. I was practically busy the entire time, the phone wouldn’t stop ringing until I now carry a phone charger in my on-call bag. I even had to change my ringtone, because I cound no longer stand hearing the intro to Linkin Park’s New Divide.

Yesterday was totally horrific. I was literally running to and fro from ICU to the Redzone, which is 5 floors apart til my legs were gonna break. On top of that, I had so many other referrals from the wards in the 7th and 8th floor. If anyone wants to lose weight, why not try doing an ICU call in my hospital. Of course, you’ve also gotta be the “jonah” type and not the type who gets to sleep all night til you have a bedsore.

I transfered out and brought in so many new patients into ICU last night that my friend congratulated me on changing the population of ICU. Wow, what an achievement that I don’t need at the moment. Why, oh why can’t I have a peaceful call?

So exhausted by everything and worse still, I’m on call again tomorrow! Yippee! Ugh!

Guess I better sleep more and conserve more energy.

ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……..

Ramblings

I’ve taken a break from light reading as recently I’ve been so fed up with work until my brain has given out on me and refuses to even tolerate light reading. So I’m back to a less intelectual past time – watching tv series. However, I seem to be hopping from one series to another, so basically I’m halfway through everything. Bones-Gossip Girl-Burning Flame III-Grey’s Anatomy-House and more. How brilliantly confusing for the already tired mind and body.

Recently, I’ve also been feeling extremely tired of the political nature of my working environment. Being a totally apolitical person, I just hate working politics. Why can’t everyone just focus on getting the job done, and on putting the patient’s interest first. Instead, they seem to have so much time and energy to stab each other in the back, make extra work, bitch about one another and simply cause disharmony and unhappiness all around. Both inter and intra-departmentally. What a total waste of energy. What happened to “first, do no harm”?

Annoyed.

Disappointed.

Fed up.

Sigh.

Sand in an open hand…

Relationships- of all kinds- are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold on to some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.

~ Kaleel Jamison, The Nibble Theory

私は生きるために食べる。

私はもう一度同じものを食べるか？または何か他には？

それから私は、全世界の飢えた人々だと思う。

だから私はそこにある何か食べるようになる。

にもかかわらず、私は食欲がない。

場合であっても同じことが日常だ。

私はまだ食べている。

ので…

私は生きるために食べる。

Writer’s block

I’ve been having writer’s block or should it be called blogger’s block for quite a long time. Perhaps it should be renamed as “depression”. Work’s been bad the past few months. Overworked, underpaid, the usual shit. Guess after moping around and showering myself with tons of self-pity, I’ve finally decided to stop, pick up my life and start writing again. Hopefully.

Anyway, it’s not that I’ve been doing absolutely nothing these past few months. Infact, I’ve read quite a handful of novels since June. Let me list them out for my own sense of satisfaction..

1. Playing for Pizza by John Grisham

2. Misconceptions by Terry McGee

3. My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Picoult

4. The Pact by Jodi Picoult

5. Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult

6. Where Rainbow Ends by Cecelia Aherns

7. Salem Falls by Jodi Picoult

There you go. A great accomplishment since my attempt to regain the skills of “light reading”.

And yes, I think I’m starting to be a fan of Jodi Picoult’s works.

And slowly converting Cindy too.

Haha.

Communication; the lack of

The lines of communication, when broken, will result in much misunderstanding.

A statement from my brother while we were chatting. Hmmm…

About crying…

“…I was just on the cusp of having one of those bone cleansing cries a woman should treat herself to at least once during a lunar cycle.”

~ Julia Romano in My Sister’s Keeper, by Jodi Picoult

Well said. I guess some of us females really need an outlet to release the stress and PMS we go through every month. Perhaps the stress and frustration leaks out together with the tears. And yes, I guess you guys can blame it on the hormones. But then again, not everything is due to PMS, ok? Sometimes, it may actually be your fault.

Anyway, am having a bad week at work. Will probably need a few rounds of bone cleansing cries this lunar cycle..

Frustrated

So frustrated. Reason? A series of collected grievances by the same person. Being at the wrong place, at the wrong time.

Just feel like strangling someone or something. Sometimes, everything just feels so unfair. But what’s new about that? Shit happens, all the time.

Guess I better head off to sleep. Will need all the rest I can get and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

C’est la vie.